Engaging in Meaningful Conversations

Mastering the art of meaningful conversation is essential. Conversations aren’t just about exchanging information; they shape our relationships, teams, and decisions. As a Master Coach credentialed by the International Coaching Federation (ICF), I’ve worked with many corporate professionals, especially women, who often feel unheard or interrupted in conversations. To lead effectively, we must engage with intention, ensuring that every voice is valued.

Here are four rules for fostering meaningful conversations that can transform your leadership and team dynamics:

1. Pay Attention to the Kind of Conversation Occurring

Before diving into a discussion, pause and identify what type of conversation is happening. Are people defending their positions? Sharing emotions? Seeking solutions? According to Charles Duhigg’s Supercommunicators, there are three types of conversations:

• What is this about? – The practical conversation where someone is seeking help or clarity.

• How do we feel? – The emotional conversation, focusing on connection and empathy.

• Who am I? – The social conversation, where individuals seek to be heard and recognized.

I’ve often observed meetings shift from one type of conversation to another, particularly when emotional triggers arise. Recognizing this shift allows you to guide the dialogue productively.

2. Share Your Goals, and Ask What Others Are Seeking

A meaningful conversation isn’t one-sided. Begin by sharing your intentions, then ask others about their goals. This transparency builds trust and encourages open dialogue. It also minimizes misunderstandings. When leaders are clear about what they want and show interest in others’ objectives, it fosters alignment.

For example, in a recent leadership team meeting, I noticed discussions were stalling. I asked, “What are we all hoping to achieve here?” That simple question opened the floor for everyone to clarify their goals, and the conversation became much more focused.

3. Ask About Others' Feelings, and Share Your Own

Emotional intelligence is at the heart of meaningful conversations. Asking how others feel and sharing your emotions allows for a deeper connection. When we acknowledge emotions, we humanize the conversation. Too often, corporate discussions bypass this crucial element, focusing only on outcomes.

During a feedback session with a team, I asked, “How do you feel about this direction?” One team member expressed frustration, which led to a deeper conversation about team dynamics. This created space for resolution rather than bottling up unspoken concerns.

4. Explore If Identities Are Important to This Discussion

Identity plays a significant role in communication. Often, individuals feel silenced or misunderstood because their personal identity isn’t recognized in the conversation. This is especially relevant for women and underrepresented groups in the workplace. Exploring if someone’s identity is crucial to the conversation allows for inclusion and recognition, fostering a sense of belonging.

The Three Conversations from Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg

Duhigg defines three main types of conversations that occur in any meaningful interaction:

1. What is this really about? – The practical conversation, where the focus is on problem-solving.

2. How do we feel? – The emotional conversation, centering on empathy and connection.

3. Who are we? – The social conversation, seeking recognition and understanding of identity.

Understanding these three types helps you navigate the needs of the speaker and guide the conversation accordingly. Are they looking for practical advice, emotional support, or simply to be heard?

Thought-Provoking Questions:

• How often do you pause to identify the type of conversation happening before responding?

• When was the last time you asked someone how they felt during a meeting? How did it change the outcome?

• Do you create space for personal identity to be acknowledged in your conversations with team members?

Mastering these rules and understanding the three types of conversations will not only make you a better communicator but will also empower your relationships and make them more meaningful. Meaningful conversations aren’t just about outcomes—they’re about connection, empathy, and understanding. As leaders, we have the opportunity to create spaces where every voice is heard and valued.